The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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