man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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