I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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