hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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