if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
