I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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