how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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