I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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