Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
