Is it normal to miss your booty call?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
