i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
