Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
