I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
