I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
