I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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