watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
