you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
