so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
