Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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