Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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