And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
