my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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