My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
