the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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