we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
