Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
