I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
