Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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