you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
