can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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