I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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