its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
