May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
