i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
