when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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