EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you win again, gameday.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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