I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
