Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
