Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
