matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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