his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
