So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
