she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
