His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize