Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
