After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
