Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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