My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
