i permit you to call me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
