I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
