i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
