Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
