Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
