my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
