he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize