Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
