why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize