He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
