nut hugger
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
