Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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