it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
