And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
