The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
