he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
