Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
