I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
