i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
