Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
