I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
