What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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