My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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