chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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