I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He better not be in your backpack
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
