How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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