hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
