If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
