remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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