i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
