ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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