YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
