have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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