I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
