Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
