The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
