I can text with my tongue
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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