I want to have your abortion
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
