Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize