Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
