If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
