just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
