you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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