my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
