Christians are straight up FREAKS
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize