Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
