i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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