Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(701): View more from North Dakota

My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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(708): View more from Illinois

Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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(707): View more from California

I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I like the way you think.

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(858): View more from California

I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night

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