I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
