i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
