Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had to cum in my sink.
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