There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
