That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
